


Little Things (In My Eyes and In Yours)

by Kiromenanz



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin's Magic Revealed, Partner Betrayal, Pre-Slash, Promises, Secrets, can be read as both, not quite as angsty as it could have been
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 23:12:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3914188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiromenanz/pseuds/Kiromenanz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which Merlin thinks he understands everything but is really the most oblivious idiot of all. Also, there is angsting and promises (some of them broken), noisy knights, conversations and entirely too many secrets to keep track of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Things (In My Eyes and In Yours)

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language, so criticism is appreciated
> 
> This can be read both as slightly slashy and as a friendship kind of thing, so take your pick, whatever you like better.

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”   
― Roald Dahl

 

 

 

 

The problem was that Merlin had _promised_.

And yes, technically he was breaking that promise each and every day by hiding his magic from Arthur, but on the other hand _hiding_ was not actually _lying_ and since he had never outright said “I don't have magic.” he figured he was still good.

However this time he was pretty sure he was screwed.

“Erm.” He said. Arthur levelled him with the kind of exasperated look Merlin was sure he had reserved just for him.

“Really, _Mer_ lin it's hardly that hard of a question. I asked you whether you had seen my _fiancé._ Now have you, or have you not?”

Merlin started sweating nervously and cleared his throat. He could lie (and break his promise, which was really not an option since the image of Arthur looking like a kicked puppy was still all to fresh in his mind) or he could answer truthfully. 

He nodded miserably.

Arthur sighed. “Wonderful, thank you Merlin, that wasn't so hard now was it? Do you think it would also be possible to open you stupid mouth and tell me _where?_ ”

Merlin thought that it was very much not possible, thank you very much. But he knew that that was no option for Arthur.

He nodded again, slowly, mind racing. 

Arthur was looking really annoyed now, rubbing his forehead with one calloused hand. Merlin knew he was pushing the border of _Merlin is mentally afflicted_ and very close to crossing into _Something is up_ territory. Which was not allowed to happen, not ever. 

At the last second a thought occurred to him. “She said she was on her way to draw water in the courtyard.” He said, which was the exact thing Gwen had said to him when he had stumbled upon them in the secret passageway to the stables.

Arthur clapped a hand on his shoulder as he passed him. 

“See, that wasn't so hard.”

Merlin grimaced at his retreating back, but it was half-hearted. He knew Gwen well enough to know that by now she would _actually be_ in the courtyard and not just use it as an excuse, but that did not assuage his guilt.

(Nevertheless, when he later found out that Arthur had encountered Gwen exactly where Merlin had said she would be he breathed a sigh of relief and when Arthur lobbed his boots at Merlin's head that night, Merlin could return that with an insult without a lingering trace of bad conscience).

It was too good to last, though.

When ten knights all but assaulted him in the corridor a few days after to inquire after Lancelot he would have happily served them a clever lie but unfortunately in just that moment Arthur rounded the corner and Merlin would not lie to Arthur.

At least not outright.

“What's wrong with you now?” Arthur said sounding annoyed. “You look as if you've seen a ghost.”

Merlin's first instinct was to let out a startled meep and run away as fast as his legs would take him. The only thing stopping him was this inkling that that course of action would definitely seem suspicious. 

So he improvised. He was getting pretty good at that, nowadays. 

“Last time I saw him he looked pretty exhausted. Maybe he went to take a nap?” Merlin said and tried hard not to think about why Lance had looked so exhausted. 

It satisfied the knights and Merlin surely hoped he imagined the suspicious glance Arthur gave him as they walked away. 

He ran into them the third time that same day. 

“Damn it, Gwen!” He yelled as he shielded his eyes. “This can't go on like this! You're lucky it's only always me!”

They both apologised profusely and luckily their strange encounters became more and more rare after that. But still, every time their eyes met Merlin saw the same mixture of utter joy and crippling guilt as he had the first time it had happened.

Or, the first time he had witnessed.

Weeks passed and Arthur still had no idea. With every passing day Merlin felt the bitter taste of a guilty conscience get more prominent on his tongue, one more secret weighing his shoulders down heavier.

Eventually even Arthur noticed.

“You've been quiet lately.” He said and Merlin could almost think it was concern hiding in his blue eyes. “You all right?”

“Fine” Merlin said, which was not a lie, mostly an euphemism. Besides, it was not _him_ who had been betrayed and just did not know it yet.

Arthur looked dubious but let it go. And if his looks became more lingering, his presence more constant at Merlin's side Merlin chose to attribute it to the King's own rising strain and leave it at that.

Merlin almost thought the whole thing had died down, that he could forget it ever happened and move on, but it all came to a head two weeks before the summer solstice when he found Gwen and Lancelot in a passionate embrace in an abandoned room in the western wing of the castle.

They did not even notice him until he shut the door with a resounding bang. At the sound they jumped apart like two startled rabbits. 

He had never seen two people as guilty and as sad as the both of them in that moment, but their faces were overshadowed by Arthur's sad eyes staring at Merlin, his trembling hand bunching up the fabric of Merlin's shirt, his pale lips whispering _Why is it always me, Merlin? Why does everyone keep betraying me, why am I always lied to?_

Merlin had promised that night and not even friendship and affection for his oldest friends would keep him from honouring that promise, from protecting Arthur of those feeli

 

ngs. 

I

 

t must have shown in his eyes because Lance took Gwen's hand and shifted so he was standing slightly in front of her. 

She would have none of it and stepped slightly toward Merlin. “Merlin, we-”

But Merlin had had enough. He held up his hand and Lance flinched instinctively. “No.”

“Merlin-” Lance said but was interrupted. 

“No.” Merlin's voice was surprisingly steady despite his anger. He felt his face get flushed with it, felt his magic trying to break free but he reigned it in. Despite everything, despite their betrayal to Arthur, these were still his friends. These were still the people he owed some of his happiest moments and some of his luckiest escapes to and if anything he knew they did not do it out of ill will. 

Still...

“This” He gestured to the empty room, the cobwebs in the edges and last but not least, their joint hands “stops right here.”

Lance looked pained and Gwen seemed to be fighting tears.

”It's not as if we can help it.” Gwen said eventually in a whisper. Lance held her hand more tightly. “It's just... I love him, Merlin.”

Merlin couldn't help but snort disdainfully. “Who?” He yelled. “The one you've been sneaking away with at every possible opportunity or the one who's probably looking for you _right now_ to discuss the details of your engagement? Because, honestly, the details aren't quite clear to me right now!”

And of course, of _course_ that was the moment that Arthur would throw open the door and stomp inside, casting his eyes around. “Lance, have you seen Mer-” 

He stopped abruptly in the middle of the room.

Merlin would have loved to say that maybe Arthur had not seen Gwen and Lancelot standing suspiciously close, had not noticed their joint hands but even he could not lie to himself like that.

Naturally with his luck Arthur turned to him to ask “What is going on here?” and Merlin was struck silent by his gaze, blue and hurt and pleading.

_I would never lie to you,_ Merlin heard himself promise, _I would never betray you_. He does not know what to say and for once, there is no stammering, no _uhm_ and _erm_ and _well..._ because there is no way to make this better.

“Arthur please” Gwen's voice wavers. “It's not what it looks like.”

And Merlin cannot look away from Arthur's eyes because it is exactly what it looks like and he knows that Arthur can see it in his face.

There it is, the bitter trace of betrayal flittering over Arthur's face and he turns around and leaves the room. 

Gwen breaks out into sobs and Merlin is distantly aware of an ashen Lancelot holding her and comforting her. He turns away and is not even aware of moving but he hears his shoes clatter on the stone floor and sees the walls fly past him, can only think about how Gwen and Lance have each other and Arthur, once again, has no-one.

And somehow Merlin cannot help but feel that it is all his fault.

He arrives at Arthur's chambers just in time to have the door almost slam closed on his face. A better servant might have left, taking the hint that the king wanted to be alone, or at least knocked respectfully.

Luckily Merlin was aware that he never had been a particularly good servant and with everything he strived towards, a good servant was not particularly high on his list of priorities, so it was not a great effort to ignore propriety and protocol and simply barge into Arthur's rooms as if they were his own.

Arthur, standing by the window, face averted from the door, did not even flinch.

“Go away Merlin.”

Merlin felt secure in his decision to discard that suggestion. He stepped closer. Eventually, Arthur turned around. 

“I said, _go away.”_

“Won't.” Merlin said. “Not until you listen to me.”

Arthur passed a hand over his face. He looked so very tired that it made Merlin ache with compassion and guilt.

“This does not need to be further explained.” Arthur says. “Go away, I'm tired.”

He did not make any movement towards the bed and Merlin took another step towards him. 

When Arthur turned his eyes towards Merlin they were red-rimmed and so full of resigned pain that Merlin felt his hand itch with the need to reach out to him. But even Merlin knew that that would be all kinds of inappropriate, not to mention inadvisable and so he settled for looking at Arthur steadily.

Eventually Arthur sighed and plonked down into one of the chairs. 

He gestured towards Merlin with one hand.

“Fine, go on. Get it over with.”

Merlin opened his mouth. And closed it. 

Opened it again.

Arthur peeked out between his fingers at him.

“Merlin? I'm waiting?”

Unfortunately Merlin realised that he had not done an awful lot of thinking about what to say to Arthur once he got him to listen.

“Uhm...” He started and cringed. But when he cast a look at Arthur he realised that his king was looking slightly amused. 

“You have no idea what to say, do you?” He said, and it was weariness and fond amusement all in one, so Merlin dared to nod. 

Arthur kicked another chair so it came out from beneath the table and gestured towards it. 

“Sit.” So Merlin sat. He folded his hands and bit his lip in thought. Arthur sat in front of him, hands on the armrests of his chair, just looking at him.

“Arthur” Merlin said, deciding to just improvise. That had proved to be fairly successful in the past. 

“That is my name.” Arthur said when Merlin did not continue and so Merlin shook himself and said prepared himself for an elaborate explanation that would surely come out of his mouth, but what he instead hear himself say was. “I'm sorry.”

Arthur sighed again. “I know.”

“No, no you don't know.” Merlin shook his head vigorously. “I have known this for so long but I didn't know how to tell you - but I swear I never lied to you, I didn't!”

He had the sneaking suspicion that that did not explain anything. He hung his head.

It was a surprise to feel Arthur's hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.

He continued talking, which was maybe an ill-advised decision but he could not stop himself.

“But they love you, both of them. I know it's really hard, that Gwen would do such a thing - but it's not because of you, it's just her! And - and I'll never talk to her again, if you want me to, and Lance too and they feel really bad and-”

“Really Merlin, it's fine.”

To say Merlin's eyes bugged out of his head would have been an understatement. 

“Fine?” He repeated. “Your fiancé and your best friend betrayed you and you say it's _fine_?”

“Yes.”

Merlin could finally make himself look at Arthur and traced his face to find the lie but it seemed that Arthur was being truthful.

“But -” Merlin started gesticulating wildly. ”But you looked so hurt! And you love Gwen, and she betrayed you, and-”

Next thing he knew Arthur's hand was on his mouth. “Really Merlin, do you ever shut up?”

Merlin stared. 

“Will you promise to be quiet if I let you go?”

Merlin stared.

“Well?”

Realising that he should give some sort of an answer Merlin nodded.

“Good.” Arthur took his hand from Merlin's face, leaving Merlin's skin all tingly. “Because it really is fine.” He seemed to sense that Merlin was about to protest because he held up his hand. ”Of course I'm hurt, I thought they could have enough trust in me to speak to me directly, but I understand why they did not. I'm fine.”

Merlin's disbelieving stare was enough of an answer for that. Arthur settled back in his chair and started worrying at a piece of chipped wood on the table with his finger nail.

“It's just - for a moment there, I thought that it had happened again. The betrayal, I mean. And I thought - scratch that, for a moment I was sure that my best friend had betrayed me.”

That was it, there was no way that Merlin was not going to say anything to that, because really, Lance _had_ betrayed Arthur, but Arthur put up his hand to stop the rant waiting in the back of Merlin's throat and just said. “But I should have known I can always count on you, Merlin.”

Merlin frowned, gaped, frowned again. Cleared his throat and stared at Arthur's steady, sincere face, the affection hiding in the soft upturn of his mouth and in the slight crinkle of his eyes. 

“I - what?” Merlin eventually croaked. “You - best friend -”

Arthur interrupted him. _Again._ Eventually they would really need to talk about this, preferably at a time when Merlin was able to form full sentences. “I mean, he is an idiot most of the time,“ Arthur said, ”but he did promise he would never lie to me and I am starting to realise he keeps his promises.” 

Still looking at him, Arthur smiled.

Merlin let out a sound like a startled rabbit. “Wha- you mean...”

“Yes.” Arthur said. “Turns out I don't really need a fiancé if I have you Merlin.”

And truly, if that was not at least seven kinds of confusing Merlin did not know anything. He felt his face grow hot and his smile grow wide until he must look like a total idiot. 

“Oh, sod it, come here.” Arthur said and got up and before Merlin knew what was going on he was being pulled up and forward into Arthur's arms. 

There was a lot of awkward manly pats on the back and uncomfortable clearing of throats involved, but it was definitely a hug.

Arthur had _hugged_ him.

“I have magic.” He blurted when they pulled away, which was hands down the worst thing to say in any situation but he could not stop it - he just felt so invincible, so accepted at that moment that even the threat of being burnt right at that moment could not have stopped the words from coming out. 

Arthur took it surprisingly well. “I know.” He said and Merlin, for the umpteenth time that day, felt like something heavy had collided with his chest and knocked all of his breath out of his lungs. Arthur's threatening index finger almost collided with his nose when he gestured with it. “And we will talk about that.”

Merlin nodded.

“After all you did lie to me for years.”

“Not a lie.” Merlin said breathlessly. ”I never said I didn't.”

Arthur rolled his eyes, but there was affection in the gesture.

Merlin realised he was a fool to not have seen it before.

But then, better late than never.

 


End file.
